sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
