There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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