puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
