Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
