I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
