i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize