i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was confusing and full of hummus
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
