Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
