Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
