I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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