my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
