Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
