i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize