bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
