Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
