im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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