smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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