you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
