I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
