Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
These tits shall not be calmed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
