Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
