i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to calm my uterus...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
