that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
