i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
