What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
