You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize