I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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