WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize