we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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