i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
