OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
