when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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