i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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