fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
