Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
