Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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