Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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