Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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