i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
