First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
COCAINE IS GR8
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
