P.S. I can't hear my feet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
