Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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