i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
