Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
