Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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