peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
