last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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