I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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