We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
