Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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