We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
