You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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