That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
