Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
