Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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