she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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