if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
