the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
