You're so nebulous sometimes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
