apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
