he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
