Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my phone needs a breathalizer
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
