kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
