how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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