I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
