my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize