I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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