My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
