You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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