We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
