Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
