if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
