no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
