I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
