the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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