i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
