I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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