my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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