9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
