wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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