She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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