someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
