To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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