i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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