What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
