i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's just like the Real World with babies
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Enjoy the penises
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
