This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
